My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
