If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
