So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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