Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Man, jail baloney is awful.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
