Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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