At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think I sprained my soul last night
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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