I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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