No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
