What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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