and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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