I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
