id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize