PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
