So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
