i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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