I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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