Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
