I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the condom got lost in my hair
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
