Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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