Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
