im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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