The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize