Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize