Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
