oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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