nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
