gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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