I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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