dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
