New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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