There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
