Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
