Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
