i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
