Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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