So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
