I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
