is your mom at the bar?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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