next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
