think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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