i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
