Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I would ride that face into the sunset
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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