You can't motorboat a personality
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Shame - the story of my life.
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