I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
