so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
