Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
