Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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