I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
