I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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