when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I fill condoms, not promises.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
