Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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