i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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