How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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