I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
