K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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