I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
