She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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