he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I have tasted many bathrooms
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
