After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
