I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
