i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
